Face of Mum

You will only see this on here once. A tear stained, blotchy face and stinging red eyes. Not an uncommon occurence in reality but a face of mum that you can’t see behind a keyboard.

Today we have spread autism awareness everywhere we have been. It would be great to be able to pick and choose where and when we do this, like I can on here but in reality we can’t turn autism on and off.

This face of mum has been up since 4am this morning (aside from the sleeping with one eye open until finally relenting and putting Cartoonito on at 6am). Apparently that’s an acceptable time to start the day – not for the first time in recent days. A 4am start combined with 3 get ups for The Small One through the night no less. 

This face of mum has been on a playdate with friends this morning.  A pang of jealousy ripped through her for their seemingly normal life. Four year olds playing together nicely in a bedroom. Parents eyes not fixated on every move their child made. She hates that feeling of jealousy but the feeling of guilt for feeling it in the first place is worse. The Monster was golden until it was almost time to go and he spread a sprinkling of autism awareness in the form of running at lightening speed through the house, escaping upstairs and trying to then come down unaided, shouting, refusing to put shoes on, slamming doors, lying on the pavement and refusing to walk to the car.

This face of mum has taken the boys to the Dr’s where The Small One had an appointment for his jabs. Here he spread his usual autism awareness by turning the self check in screen on and off and caused havoc in the waiting room, with the additional excitement of some furniture being brought into the surgery. Game over. Luckily they were then given a private room to wait in and the lovely nurse gave The Monster a pack of sweets whilst The Small one had his injections. After playing with the taps and a splash of water around the room later they left having only received a couple eye rolls from the elderly couple in the waiting room.

This face of mum instinctively let go of the pushchair for 3 seconds max to check The Monsters hands whilst walking home and he rubbed his hands through a thorn bush. In those three seconds (max) the pushchair had free rolled into the road and was still moving. Thankfully there were no cars coming.

This face of mum has received post for yet another hospital appointment for The Small One. As usual on a day The Monster is not in nursery. This mum can’t deal with thinking about that today.

This face of mum has had emails from The Monster’s Educational Psychologist today delaying an appointment made for June by almost a month and also wants another meeting in less than a weeks time, looks like she will be facing that one without Dad again.

This face of mum has packed the boys in the car and driven until they have both fallen asleep just so she can catch her breath today.

Today, this mum craves normality, an easier carefree life for her babies. 

    

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Face of Mum

  1. Oh sweetheart x Life as a mum with young children is difficult, when one has autism it’s even more so. I was there where you are now, and at the same time my husband was incredibly unhelpful and we’d moved too far from my family (mum and nan) to visit often. It was incredibly hard, but things do get easier. The problems don’t go away but you learn how to deal with them, and how to ignore other people who don’t understand. My little autistic boy is now 29 and still wakes me in the night. Trust me, you’ll get through this even though it seems so hard right now. xx
    #postfromtheheart

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment. It’s great to hear things get easier. Not so great about the waking in the night still… Ahh man! Xx

      Like

  2. Thanks for your complete honesty. Although I don’t have the same struggles with autism, I am here to tell you that you aren’t alone. No matter what other moms are facing, no one has it together. It’s okay to be honest and let others see you for you and what you’re going through. You are so strong and brave and we are all here for you! Here’s hoping those 4am wake ups get later and later soon. Much love to you mum!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Big love. Big respect. Big hope. All of these things you give to me when I read, to know that although our stories are somewhat different, I am not alone. And know this supermmy…. you’re not alone either. Let them tears roll when they need to. It’s ok not to be ok and somedays are just NOT ok. Keep breathing. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s